Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Withdrawing Our Candidacy

It is with deep regret that Ye Stewart Clan announces today the withdrawal of our candidacy for the office of the Presidency of the United States.  We had a lot going for us:

  1. Tait's personality;
  2. Tennyson's skills;
  3. Suzy's gravitas; and
  4. Jeremy's age (cool constitutional issue:  Article II of the Constitution requires candidates to attain 35 years of age to be eligible for the presidency; Jeremy will not be 35 at the time of the 2012 election, but will be by the time of the inauguration; withholding our candidacy saves the country from the otherwise inevitable launch of the "ager" movement).
But in the end, our candidacy had one fatal flaw:  you simply cannot win with these demographics.

That map shows the visits to Ye Stewart Clan in the last year.  Even assuming we could carry California, Texas, Illinois, Virginia, DC, Maryland, New York and Utah (which is not inevitable since we would be splitting the Mormon vote, again), we cannot envision a path to the White House without a single vote from Vermont.  Seriously, 49 states and dozens of countries, but not a single visit from Vermont?  What's wrong with those people?

In any case, you'll now need to start thinking about your second best option.  See you in 2016!


Hillary said...

Well, that's all I had. I was holding out hope Gary Coleman would perhaps run again, but I believe he has passed to the other side. Maybe I can get my brother to run. He's bald with glasses. People respect bald people with glasses, don't they?

ginger said...

Wait a minute. Are you talking about Suzy's previous state or present?

Ye Stewart Clan said...


Yes, bald people with glasses definitely command respect! Like my brother-in-law Pat.

And we are talking my previous state! We have no news to share, that picture of my pregnant belly is when I was pregnant with Taiters.


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